i thought i can put everything down and let go.
and i also thought i can move on with him.
i seemed happy.
but the truth is,
why i couldnt feel that myself is really happy?
what am i thinking?
i have all the things i want now.
except you.
i saw you. my heart still beating fast.
i miss you.
i still dreaming about you.
i scared to tell others.
i lie to myself.
"i am happy and i am already forgotten you in my life"
pretending.
why i never felt like this before?
over half year.
i have been suffering.
i really miss him.
what can i do?
continue to pretend what i am doing now?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
HOLIDAYS
what the helll...
im so bored with my days in ipoh during this semester break.
all i need is money money and money.
i wanna buy all my clothes.
and luckily,
my present arrived !
converse red high heels had finally arrived in my huggie =)
wheeee.
yet,
im still bored with my holidays.
adui.
im feeling like wanna die la.
as you know,
my home got no internet.
everyday sleep sleep and sleep.
macam babi sekali.
wanna go back kampar as soon as possible la.
better than here.
fat mou.
aiks.
wanna find friend go out pun susah. apala.
finding something to do to fulfill my boredom.
im so bored with my days in ipoh during this semester break.
all i need is money money and money.
i wanna buy all my clothes.
and luckily,
my present arrived !
converse red high heels had finally arrived in my huggie =)
wheeee.
yet,
im still bored with my holidays.
adui.
im feeling like wanna die la.
as you know,
my home got no internet.
everyday sleep sleep and sleep.
macam babi sekali.
wanna go back kampar as soon as possible la.
better than here.
fat mou.
aiks.
wanna find friend go out pun susah. apala.
finding something to do to fulfill my boredom.
Friday, December 24, 2010
BACK TO 25/6/2010 AND ALL IS OVER
merry christmas everyone.
what i was happened today is out of what i can expected.
its more worse to spend myself for this lonely christmas.
what i was fear had happened.
friend said, he with a girl now.
my heart was like broke into half.
its feeling aching again.
i thought our love is true,
and its hard for us to forget.
my thought is really wrong.
so fast,
you can find a new one.
all the phrases :
"i love you baby joey"
"i miss you"
"i wont leave you"
are just a lie.
its true that your friend said that neither you nor your friends will care about me.
i dont mind your friends' influencing issue
what i am care about is ur issue.
25/6/2010
our memories is still very clear in my mind.
i used to mark everyday in our calendar.
i just wonder,
how could u so easily forgotten all the things that we experienced.
and moved on with another girl.
the excuses you told me, you want to be single.
LIAR
i met you in cafeteria and the feeling of our first meeting with you is still fresh.
we love in first sight.
for you, i gave up sunny boy.
a great future for me.
the first time we touch,hug or kiss i still remember.
the first time of the movie-toy story3
the first date at ghany.
the first drama we watched together-tvb drama
both of us in love so fast,
no longer,
we were love to spend our time together every minutes and second
the time we walked back from bash party,
the environment is too romance for us.
u holding my hand and said "i love you joey"
i am totally so into it.
the jokes we talked.
the first argument-i walked away and when the time you get back home, that is the first time i see you punch the wall. and then you told me, you cant lose me and pls me to forgive you. afterwards you promised me you will changed ur behavior.
the most touched sms-you sent me a general report.inside there you stated that you proud of yourself cause not getting 0 for maths quiz. you knew i am clever and you promised me to study hard.
the first time we cried together-that time i was disappointed of myself cause i think that i am not good for you. and you told me that your sis doesnt like me.but you were not willing to let me go. both of us hugging each other and cried.
the first time we broke up-i was ready to take bus back to ipoh and we argued. i requested to break up. and when the time im back to kampar, my heart turning back to you as i want to appreciate you.
the time we officially broke up-we shouted at each other. i packed everything and back to my house. and you never stopped that.
after that, many sad things had happened. yes, i admitted i used wrong way to chase you back.
i threaten you.
i was so regret after that.
its happened.
and i know nothing can get you back again,
after semester2 started,
u treated me like a strangers.
ignored me.
until few days ago,
i only know that you are influenced by your best friend.
your friend dislike me.
they dont know me but you do.
i changed to be a good girl cause of you.
i really thanks for all the things that you had done for me.
the morning school ride, and pampers.
you were my boyfriend that i ever loved.
you are just too perfect for me.
and everything is happened just like a dream.
a very good dream that i dont wish to get up for the entire of my life.
and today they told me you have girlfriend,
i wish to go under the rain and stand until i get all wet at that moment.
i am tired already.
for being a joke to some of your friend
and loving you.
i burned and deleted all the photo.
i also removed your friend.
i wish my life will be better without you.
i dont know what i can react when i see you with your girlfriend.
but im sure after this i really will get to move on for my life.
happy with your own life and mine too.
turned back to the strangers that we dont know each other like before.
seriously ,i love you. ling shih jie.
thats the end. all the fifth month memories.
will be buried here forever.
what i was happened today is out of what i can expected.
its more worse to spend myself for this lonely christmas.
what i was fear had happened.
friend said, he with a girl now.
my heart was like broke into half.
its feeling aching again.
i thought our love is true,
and its hard for us to forget.
my thought is really wrong.
so fast,
you can find a new one.
all the phrases :
"i love you baby joey"
"i miss you"
"i wont leave you"
are just a lie.
its true that your friend said that neither you nor your friends will care about me.
i dont mind your friends' influencing issue
what i am care about is ur issue.
25/6/2010
our memories is still very clear in my mind.
i used to mark everyday in our calendar.
i just wonder,
how could u so easily forgotten all the things that we experienced.
and moved on with another girl.
the excuses you told me, you want to be single.
LIAR
i met you in cafeteria and the feeling of our first meeting with you is still fresh.
we love in first sight.
for you, i gave up sunny boy.
a great future for me.
the first time we touch,hug or kiss i still remember.
the first time of the movie-toy story3
the first date at ghany.
the first drama we watched together-tvb drama
both of us in love so fast,
no longer,
we were love to spend our time together every minutes and second
the time we walked back from bash party,
the environment is too romance for us.
u holding my hand and said "i love you joey"
i am totally so into it.
the jokes we talked.
the first argument-i walked away and when the time you get back home, that is the first time i see you punch the wall. and then you told me, you cant lose me and pls me to forgive you. afterwards you promised me you will changed ur behavior.
the most touched sms-you sent me a general report.inside there you stated that you proud of yourself cause not getting 0 for maths quiz. you knew i am clever and you promised me to study hard.
the first time we cried together-that time i was disappointed of myself cause i think that i am not good for you. and you told me that your sis doesnt like me.but you were not willing to let me go. both of us hugging each other and cried.
the first time we broke up-i was ready to take bus back to ipoh and we argued. i requested to break up. and when the time im back to kampar, my heart turning back to you as i want to appreciate you.
the time we officially broke up-we shouted at each other. i packed everything and back to my house. and you never stopped that.
after that, many sad things had happened. yes, i admitted i used wrong way to chase you back.
i threaten you.
i was so regret after that.
its happened.
and i know nothing can get you back again,
after semester2 started,
u treated me like a strangers.
ignored me.
until few days ago,
i only know that you are influenced by your best friend.
your friend dislike me.
they dont know me but you do.
i changed to be a good girl cause of you.
i really thanks for all the things that you had done for me.
the morning school ride, and pampers.
you were my boyfriend that i ever loved.
you are just too perfect for me.
and everything is happened just like a dream.
a very good dream that i dont wish to get up for the entire of my life.
and today they told me you have girlfriend,
i wish to go under the rain and stand until i get all wet at that moment.
i am tired already.
for being a joke to some of your friend
and loving you.
i burned and deleted all the photo.
i also removed your friend.
i wish my life will be better without you.
i dont know what i can react when i see you with your girlfriend.
but im sure after this i really will get to move on for my life.
happy with your own life and mine too.
turned back to the strangers that we dont know each other like before.
seriously ,i love you. ling shih jie.
thats the end. all the fifth month memories.
will be buried here forever.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
12/12/2010
finally, i finished watch 义海厚情
for so long, i couldnt watch this drama cause im busy XD
i learned something from this drama.
hmmm.
their love is so 伟大.
but of course i know,
it is just a acting drama.
yet,
it let me know that,
love someone doesnt means that both needed to be together
love someone can be ten months or few years
the person that you love maybe will gone
but the memories already is forever in you.
so,
no matter it is one day or two months,
the memories we had together is already forever.
we love each other with our true heart and thats enough.
no regret.
therefore,
loving somebody doesn't means had to be together.
wait the time becomes mature
and it will be the time you can live with your partner for forever.
for so long, i couldnt watch this drama cause im busy XD
i learned something from this drama.
hmmm.
their love is so 伟大.
but of course i know,
it is just a acting drama.
yet,
it let me know that,
love someone doesnt means that both needed to be together
love someone can be ten months or few years
the person that you love maybe will gone
but the memories already is forever in you.
so,
no matter it is one day or two months,
the memories we had together is already forever.
we love each other with our true heart and thats enough.
no regret.
therefore,
loving somebody doesn't means had to be together.
wait the time becomes mature
and it will be the time you can live with your partner for forever.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
30/11/2010
i noticed that my mgs gang never concerned for my birthday.
why my birthday always seemed to be ignore by them?
i dont know lo.
when there is a birthday among them,
what they do,
i will participate in.
they always planning for it.
but not for my birthday.
two years ady.
its still the same.
i thought last year we never really celebrate because of spm.
quite disappointed.
they never seemed want to celebrate with me.
not even earlier.
sigh.
friends are always like that.
learned to it.
i dont wanna talk about it anymore,
one time and again.
few times dee la.
i am excluded from that gang.
what i need to do is study,
get my scholarship and gone.
why my birthday always seemed to be ignore by them?
i dont know lo.
when there is a birthday among them,
what they do,
i will participate in.
they always planning for it.
but not for my birthday.
two years ady.
its still the same.
i thought last year we never really celebrate because of spm.
quite disappointed.
they never seemed want to celebrate with me.
not even earlier.
sigh.
friends are always like that.
learned to it.
i dont wanna talk about it anymore,
one time and again.
few times dee la.
i am excluded from that gang.
what i need to do is study,
get my scholarship and gone.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
24/11/2010
if we were not broken up,
this is the fifth month that we are together.
its already been half year,
at kampar.
in the beginning,
i thought,
i could build up a new life here.
eventually,
it's the same.
fed up.
who want to emo?
if i were happy with my life,
and it is satisfied,
why should i emo now?
the loneliness of my heart, the emptiness
makes me hard to move on,
every step that i taking now,
is much heavier.
the burden that im carrying now,
u all wouldnt know.
different people different life. thats it.
when every time i think about my birthday,
dont know why,
it seemed bad for me.
i am so scared,
the disappointment,
maybe i cant gone through it.
how?
there are always a lots of unfortunate things happened to me.
well,
i have nothing to say anymore...
this is the fifth month that we are together.
its already been half year,
at kampar.
in the beginning,
i thought,
i could build up a new life here.
eventually,
it's the same.
fed up.
who want to emo?
if i were happy with my life,
and it is satisfied,
why should i emo now?
the loneliness of my heart, the emptiness
makes me hard to move on,
every step that i taking now,
is much heavier.
the burden that im carrying now,
u all wouldnt know.
different people different life. thats it.
when every time i think about my birthday,
dont know why,
it seemed bad for me.
i am so scared,
the disappointment,
maybe i cant gone through it.
how?
there are always a lots of unfortunate things happened to me.
well,
i have nothing to say anymore...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
NOVEMBER
this few month,
i feel so depressed.
i lost my boyfriend and best friend.
am i really so suck?
i wanna cry all the time.
so bad luck.
how can i move on?
i dont know what can i do for the next moment.
can i just stay inside my dream forever?
i am really weak.
i am so excited for my birthday party.
but it just seems like a disappointment for me.
many people are not attending.
all said maybe got something to do.
is it?
i feel like wanna canceled it.
i dont want to feel the disappointment.
i am so scared.
being tough not easy
it needs much effort and strength.
what my best friend told me was hurts.
i cried,
so, what she care now?
she changed and she blame on me.
i apologized.
so?
we are not going back to the moment that we laughed together.
hoping my days will going to be better.
but im so tired already.
no one will cares, no one....
i feel so depressed.
i lost my boyfriend and best friend.
am i really so suck?
i wanna cry all the time.
so bad luck.
how can i move on?
i dont know what can i do for the next moment.
can i just stay inside my dream forever?
i am really weak.
i am so excited for my birthday party.
but it just seems like a disappointment for me.
many people are not attending.
all said maybe got something to do.
is it?
i feel like wanna canceled it.
i dont want to feel the disappointment.
i am so scared.
being tough not easy
it needs much effort and strength.
what my best friend told me was hurts.
i cried,
so, what she care now?
she changed and she blame on me.
i apologized.
so?
we are not going back to the moment that we laughed together.
hoping my days will going to be better.
but im so tired already.
no one will cares, no one....
Sunday, November 14, 2010
14/11/2010
oh.
need to countdown my birthday dee.
HAHA.
today whole day i were staying at sakai house after i woke up.
my room full of loneliness arrr.
only at sakai house i dont have any memories.
im happy here,
with sakai, chanel and sometimes whitney too.
seriously im addicted to the movie vampire diaries <333
the movie is awesome.
haha.
today im done the stick stick wall thing in their room.
lol. kinda nice.
but expensive lea.
3o bucks wo.
HAHA. chanel took it for free la.
now sakai is cooking.
hungryyyy. chiao~
need to countdown my birthday dee.
HAHA.
today whole day i were staying at sakai house after i woke up.
my room full of loneliness arrr.
only at sakai house i dont have any memories.
im happy here,
with sakai, chanel and sometimes whitney too.
seriously im addicted to the movie vampire diaries <333
the movie is awesome.
haha.
today im done the stick stick wall thing in their room.
lol. kinda nice.
but expensive lea.
3o bucks wo.
HAHA. chanel took it for free la.
now sakai is cooking.
hungryyyy. chiao~
Friday, November 12, 2010
DREAM
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