RAIN

i just finished cycle with chanel and kar fei.
we talked about HIM again.
its raining now.
and i started to missing him again.
sleep time.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

am i a irritate person?
am i irritating to him now?
i really want to know.
there are so many question on my mind.
who can really answer it all?
only YOU.
today i passed by MPH bookstore and i felt like wanna to study bible.
almost a lots of things he influenced me.
he affects my life.
what he love,
now i really love.
MU, Jesus, lee hom, and many more.
finding a partner that could matched up our life is hard.
i found one.
and its hard for me to let go.
i want to cherish it.
i want happiness.
i am always wondering,
'what is he doing now?'
'what he is thinking now?'
'does he facing any problem now?'
maybe as my friend said,
i am too irritating,
thats why he keep wants to ignore me.
sigh.
wiping tears everyday.
my tears become cheap cheap dee.
i also dont want.
it comes out easily.
malfunction perhaps?
LOL. ridiculous lar.
today i stopped by petrol station.
guess what?
it reminds me the most funny memories.
he poured petrol on my legs.
my legs felt cold and i scared i will get burned.
and after that he told me
"our fate is so funny"
i remembered every words he had said.
i think, he is the most regretful person for me.
i dont believe in guys and love anymore.
every words of commitment is just temporarily.
any second,
they can kick your ass off.
single,is the only way i can do.

LIE

i told him a lie.
the regretful lie i ever tell to anyone.
is this a right decision i had made?
i told him i am couple with someone already.
maybe this will be a good lie?
the burden of this is very heavy.
i cant manage to carry it and walk through my pathway anymore.
i am so foolish.
i should put it down and turn away.
never looked back.
its already happened and make it pass.
this is the only way i could pursued myself.
continue my meaningless life without thinking him anymore
perhaps, i can do it.
sigh.
i need to study harder.
get my scholarship and leave here.
so that i can choose whether to stay or leave.
another is opened for me,
maybe i shall turn around from that closed door and step in to the opened one.
awaiting for my birthday <3
i need SUPRISEDDDDD.
and hoping a romantic tackle from anyone?

27/10/2010

my heart still aching.
i dont know why.
i am trying so hard.
however, when the time i being alone,
i think of him again.
arghh.
please made me forget him.
i am suffering.
i am tired of struggling around.
tomorrow i will be seeing him.
maybe.
i done a good job.
cause i never text him for this few days.
hope i can controlled myself.
joey wan kah yan.
what are you doing.
the one before you are very strong one.
why?
arghh. whateva.

FINALLY

two days ago, i am still crazy about wanting him back.
i went out with my friend, Kent.
he told me something that's really change my mind.
before that, no one is telling about his situation and how is he feel now.
he feel stress to be with me.
because of my immature,
i ruined this relation.
but its not my fault also.
i fall to much into this love.
i am underestimated about the power of this love.
finally i am understood.
maybe letting him go,
is a good idea.
no more burden for me and him.
the sky and the world is so big.
what i have is time.
its really need to take time to let everything off of me.
i decided to transfer to kl if i still cant forget him within half year.
means after my foundation.
this environment makes me sad almost everyday.
i had promised myself.
i wont sending any messages to him anymore.
thats only thing i can do now.


long time didnt update my blog.
this blog contained my love story.
everytimes i got anything unhappy things to say,
i will written here.
i learned how to play snooker.
i met new friends too.
i am growing up and being independent.
hope the time will pass fast.
i should study hard too.
here is a video that i made for him.
the memories i never had.
he teaches me many things.
i will never forgot.
i will always love him,
if really one day he comes back,
i will always be there.