1/11/2010

first day of november
i went to jogging today
long time didnt go
and today i am quite tired.
my life filled with activities.
i want to train six pax.
and all my friend looking down on me.
they say whenever i got the result,
i get the things i want.
need to be hardworking on it. LOL
hmmm.
i took bicycle at his house just now.
i thought he will cleaned up the bike for me.
i knocked the window.
he opened and the voice sounds like beh song.
sigh.
what i have to do?
pretend lor
pretend that i am nothing
sigh

RAIN

i just finished cycle with chanel and kar fei.
we talked about HIM again.
its raining now.
and i started to missing him again.
sleep time.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

am i a irritate person?
am i irritating to him now?
i really want to know.
there are so many question on my mind.
who can really answer it all?
only YOU.
today i passed by MPH bookstore and i felt like wanna to study bible.
almost a lots of things he influenced me.
he affects my life.
what he love,
now i really love.
MU, Jesus, lee hom, and many more.
finding a partner that could matched up our life is hard.
i found one.
and its hard for me to let go.
i want to cherish it.
i want happiness.
i am always wondering,
'what is he doing now?'
'what he is thinking now?'
'does he facing any problem now?'
maybe as my friend said,
i am too irritating,
thats why he keep wants to ignore me.
sigh.
wiping tears everyday.
my tears become cheap cheap dee.
i also dont want.
it comes out easily.
malfunction perhaps?
LOL. ridiculous lar.
today i stopped by petrol station.
guess what?
it reminds me the most funny memories.
he poured petrol on my legs.
my legs felt cold and i scared i will get burned.
and after that he told me
"our fate is so funny"
i remembered every words he had said.
i think, he is the most regretful person for me.
i dont believe in guys and love anymore.
every words of commitment is just temporarily.
any second,
they can kick your ass off.
single,is the only way i can do.

LIE

i told him a lie.
the regretful lie i ever tell to anyone.
is this a right decision i had made?
i told him i am couple with someone already.
maybe this will be a good lie?
the burden of this is very heavy.
i cant manage to carry it and walk through my pathway anymore.
i am so foolish.
i should put it down and turn away.
never looked back.
its already happened and make it pass.
this is the only way i could pursued myself.
continue my meaningless life without thinking him anymore
perhaps, i can do it.
sigh.
i need to study harder.
get my scholarship and leave here.
so that i can choose whether to stay or leave.
another is opened for me,
maybe i shall turn around from that closed door and step in to the opened one.
awaiting for my birthday <3
i need SUPRISEDDDDD.
and hoping a romantic tackle from anyone?

27/10/2010

my heart still aching.
i dont know why.
i am trying so hard.
however, when the time i being alone,
i think of him again.
arghh.
please made me forget him.
i am suffering.
i am tired of struggling around.
tomorrow i will be seeing him.
maybe.
i done a good job.
cause i never text him for this few days.
hope i can controlled myself.
joey wan kah yan.
what are you doing.
the one before you are very strong one.
why?
arghh. whateva.

FINALLY

two days ago, i am still crazy about wanting him back.
i went out with my friend, Kent.
he told me something that's really change my mind.
before that, no one is telling about his situation and how is he feel now.
he feel stress to be with me.
because of my immature,
i ruined this relation.
but its not my fault also.
i fall to much into this love.
i am underestimated about the power of this love.
finally i am understood.
maybe letting him go,
is a good idea.
no more burden for me and him.
the sky and the world is so big.
what i have is time.
its really need to take time to let everything off of me.
i decided to transfer to kl if i still cant forget him within half year.
means after my foundation.
this environment makes me sad almost everyday.
i had promised myself.
i wont sending any messages to him anymore.
thats only thing i can do now.


long time didnt update my blog.
this blog contained my love story.
everytimes i got anything unhappy things to say,
i will written here.
i learned how to play snooker.
i met new friends too.
i am growing up and being independent.
hope the time will pass fast.
i should study hard too.
here is a video that i made for him.
the memories i never had.
he teaches me many things.
i will never forgot.
i will always love him,
if really one day he comes back,
i will always be there.

CONFUSED

sometimes,i see the world and i thought i can use my effort to forget you. however, it is not what i am expected. your power in me is absolutely over controlled myself. when the time i was walking back from utar to westlake, the environment there is so beautiful. the beauty of the mother earth let me realized that the world won't stop rounding or goes for you. the memories won't stop reminding me of your pampers,the way u treat me and YES. I AM selfish. i don't hope to let any of this you used to treat me will be using on another girl. "i hope that you will be happy with your life". OH. it sounds sarcastic nor dramatic neither. seriously, that will be a lie. actually, from my deepest of my heart, i hope you will be suffering all alone without me and won't be happy for the rest of your days. MUAHAHAHAHA. yes. i am bad. but i know, i wouldn't say like this cause it will destroyed my images if i say so. NO la. because i am kind gea. HAHA. now, lets talk about my friendship.

what's a full definition for the word "FRIEND"?
this question has been also annoying me for quite long. i didn't really try to say out my feeling as i don't want any misunderstanding from any of my friend. i see disappointed in this friendship. perhaps, i am too emotional. where is them when i need them? i do standby here for them, but they never think of me. i am sad. i don't know what to do with my life anymore. it is meaningless and i don't know what's i am going to work hard to achieve nothing. i am following the path that my mummy had set on me. i am not happy with me life now.

I KNOW IS MY MISTAKE

i know i done something wrong. i didnt meant to hurt you.before this i really loved you. no lie. Im sorry. that night i am not purposely sleep and ignored you. i really tired on that night and my behavior is like that. i dont know that will hurts you and made you think so much. i know that i am not supposed to holding you again. but i just wanted it to be better. we can be each other best friend. i just dont want to lose you sunny boy. you are really important to me. im sorry. now, nothing can fix in this relation. you are escaping. nothing i could do.

NEVER KNEW THE PAIN BEFORE YOU FALL DOWN

yea. im really a failure in love. a relationship. every times i cannot handle either any of that.i thought you will changed for me after all this things had happened. but. that even worst. i felt strange in you. you never treat me like before again. you dont love me anymore. now, you are just taking your responsibility as a boy friend and no love in it.everything seems like i am the one who forcing you to do all this things for me and love me too. finally, u took off your necklace. i cant believe it. i crying in the room and you just pretending nothing and continue your games. i know, everything cant go back we used to be already. no u-turn. all over. it;s over. i think when everything settle then i wont find him again. continue with my life. move on girl.u still young and u can find one who really match you. however, these philosophy i heard thousand times and yet, i still will hurt, cry and sad.concentrate on study. that's my responsibility as a student and mummy's daughter=) better day tomorrow.(hope so)

BIG SIGH

i was wondering. what life am i having now? good or bad? university life is harder than what i expected to be. every times i stalked people profile,those whom getting a new life here, i felt a little bit depressed. Because I'm envy that other people can get a better life than me. Their university life is interested. Can i involve in there? am i a kind of weird person? i always do think about that. my class, that gang seems very happy together. But me? alone? no friend? HEY! where is my gang? my gang can be known as weird gang. i think. my gang members not really like to chat with other people. i don't want to be like that. i very hope that next semester, i can have a better group of friends. Now, my life, only for my boy friend. LOL. no need gua. That's why i decided to stay back my room at 1219. As the longer time we face each other, the more chances to create arguments. AND. i had just finished argue with him. Why don't he care me a little bit more? We both have the same temper. That is BAD TEMPER. For him, i changed a lot. But can he change a bit? He is caring, he is good. At first, i think that he is perfect to me. i know. Nothing is perfect anyway. I only got a small little request. Anyway, it is a small test to me. i want he prove that he loves me and he will do everything for me. I want pull his underwear up at public ONLY. If this is the only way you can make me happy, why can't you just let me do it. I understand. It's kinda silly. But this can prove that you love me. DUH. i don't want to think much. i missed my old memories during form 4 and 5. never forget it. It's already midnight. I don't wish to skip any more class.so, gonna sleep and study well for my final test. JIA YOU!