SORRY

emotional heart that i could hardly concentrate on my study now. things happened. just like that again. did people treat you good because of you are their friends or because of they just wanna get you? so many question running on my head right now. did i really treat people wrongly? from now on, i will behave myself. i couldn't accept any more cases like this again. i treat them as best friend. that's all. what i given were just some hints and action. i knew whats that about. but did you really ask me, for what im thinking now? you care me, but did you care about my feeling too? i don't meant to hurt anyone. why couldn't it be the same even though if i said i don't love you? its not wrong for me to be loyal and love only one person. i really hope someone will understand my situation. its not fair for me to accept anyone if my heart still staying another person there. i really not good at this. rejecting people is too hard. i dont wanna lose my best friend. thats all. and maybe i am selfish. im sorry. i really dont know what i want for now. i just know that i will give up on him and find another one soon after i give him that present.i dont know what happen after that.but  if you really love me, give me some time. please dont leave me in a sudden. i wont promise 100% that i will come to you, but if you care me you wont treat me like a rubbish. i really used my heart to treat everyone of my friends. and not water fish. maybe im wrong. sorry. sorry. sorry so much.

PEOPLE CHANGED

people changed so fast.

you cant believe how fast it is.

same to me.

same to everyone.

i dont know what i want all the time

waiting the people you love 

he treat me like no one.

im kinda upset of that.

but i still cant resist to find him

why?

is this called love?

i really dont want to regret anything

dont want to miss out any right person

but if my heart still love him, 

i dont think i can together with others for a long time.

i should give up?

or standing there and wait for him? 

somehow, i believe, 

miracle will appeared. 

just wanna study well for my final, 

as long as he didnt ignore me,

i am already happy.

i just want to be happy;.

be in a relationship or not,

its not important anymore. 

although sometimes i really feel lonely and wanted someone to care me,

its alright.

i will still pretend to be tough ;)

i really miss us. the way we talked, we laughed. why feeling just fade away like that?

this conversation is the sweetest words i ever see. :'(

i love you . christopher chow ten foong

you are the second one i love that much after lsj. 

i will never forget. 

LOVE, WHY CANT BE SIMPLE?

sometimes i really dont know why make things become complicated
what so confusing about?
two persons love each other just together la
why should be[ him waiting her ]
or [her waiting him]?
what are you waiting for?
for me,
i dont wait to love.
when i found my love,
i will catch it
as i dont want it to become late.
cherish a person before its too late.
when the moment you really lost it,
you wont be able have the chance anymore.

not because of the one who dumping you, makes you feel wanting them back
it because we, human, dont wanna to be regret.
maybe it is worthless,
but at least you know you used all of your effort to get it back.
and you wont be regret anymore.
maybe.

thousands advice maybe heard,
but how many person do exactly what those advice told to do?
everyone have the humanity,
sometimes, feeling just cant be control.
you may feel anxiety, angry, sad to love
all of the emotions are so hard to be controlled.

why loving a person seemed so hard?
you may consider about the future,
but in a relationship doesnt means that you both are getting married or engaged,
it just a testing to live together.
maybe your thinking would not same with mine or you dont agree
this is what i think.
if you think its worth it,
and the person loves you,
dont wait too long.
cause when the feeling gone,
nothing you can do anymore to get it back.

i wont force somebody to be with me,
i will wait,
my commitment is real
same to my love.
i never play with love,
love is just something fragile to handle.

那个女人

有个男人爱着你

用心爱着你

那个男人爱着你

彻底爱着你

他情愿变成影子

守护着你跟随着你

那个男人爱着你

心却在哭泣

还需要多久　多长　多伤

你才会听见他没说的话

坚强像谎言一样

不过是一种伪装

他只希望有个机会能被你爱上

还需要多久　多长　多渴望

你才会走向他

贴在他的身旁

微笑像谎言一样

是最起码的假装

眼泪只能躲藏

那个男人爱着你

忘记了自己

从此他小心翼翼

静静等待爱情

他情愿选择相信

为了你不言不语

那个男人爱着你

伤埋在回忆

无论要　多久　多长　多伤

他还是爱着你　一如往常

就好像一个傻瓜

对着那空气说话

他会不会有个机会能被你爱上

还需要多久 多长 多渴望

你再回头想他

贴在他的身旁

微笑像谎言一样

是最起码的假装

眼泪只能躲藏

那个男人就是我

你知道吗

还是知道却假装不知道吗

问到沙哑

你也不会回答

MAY & JUNE

these two months,

i experienced a lots. 

i entered my first beauty pageant contest. 

i was accompanied my best friend casandra.

and the result was, 

everyone can guess,

i didnt even make it to final.

i was a little bit angry,

but i will still get over it.

i met a bunch of new friends.

they was so friendly and i was so happy.

they made me a memorable days,

so sad that i cant together with them till the end.

other than that, 

finally i found a trustable hair saloon. 

"CHILLI"

eugene, andy, cream and kenny. 

they are really good hairstylist.

this saloon is one of the sponsor of the contest.

they teached me how to kickboxing too.

its very fun and pain and sweat really a lot!

i very enjoyed the days until everything is going to change soon.

i wish the day will never come. 

cant believe that i learned so much things in just a month.

somehow i just realized,

the more i know,

the more i cant handle.

life is just hard.

why? god why?

why people chose to be realistic?

anyway,

its okay. i will be fine. 

i am tough enough i guess.

look forward for a bright tomorrow! :D

ME? WHO?

how can we called as happy in life?

have a simple life and smile always?

many people said that it is true that some people are smiling with a broken heart.

people just want to pretend happy and let everyone else to think that they are happy.

actually is this needed?

pretending is a very tiring activity ever.

why not to be yourself?

we need to face it, the same time we need some support or courage from others.

however, sometimes, we can feel.

feel that we are alone.

the feeling is indescribable.

a hard feeling that we need to go through.

so, some people will find love to overcome this feeling.

life.

is hard to live.

everyone knows.

but behind everyone's back have a little story there.

we cant believe that we are the person that living the hardest way.

people will tired for their burden or life.

but one thing i know,

we will never give up life and disappoint people we cared around us.

:)

4/9/2011

heart aching for the last time.
i asked for you to come back and
the final answer you gave me is no.
i really hate myself,
for being like this, fallen too deep.
i missing you every night and need you more than anyone,
with you, i can feel the happiness ever.
i owned my friendship and love with you.
i wanted to angry you,
but i cant. i just cant do this and i dont know why.
maybe everything you told me is just a lie.
but i believe every words that you had said.
when im with you, i never think that someday you will leave me.
and its so fast.
so fast, i need to wake up from my dream again.
the hardest thing for me to forget is the looks you had fall asleep,
and its so funny. cause you will be always snoring loudly until i cant sleep.
nowadays, i can hardly breathe,
because of the memories.
i thought you will hold me on,
i always wrong about it.
you wont anymore.
no more.
i think its time for me to stop this.
the last memories will be always buried here.
i love you. jack wai sheng rong.
although its just a month memories, it contained our one year friendship too.
i will remember how we laughed and shared our happiness together.
JWKY <3 JWSR


i will be happy and move on :')

17/1/2011

i thought i can put everything down and let go.
and i also thought i can move on with him.
i seemed happy.
but the truth is,
why i couldnt feel that myself is really happy?
what am i thinking?
i have all the things i want now.
except you.
i saw you. my heart still beating fast.
i miss you.
i still dreaming about you.
i scared to tell others.
i lie to myself.
"i am happy and i am already forgotten you in my life"
pretending.
why i never felt like this before?
over half year.
i have been suffering.
i really miss him.
what can i do?
continue to pretend what i am doing now?

HOLIDAYS

what the helll...
im so bored with my days in ipoh during this semester break.
all i need is money money and money.
i wanna buy all my clothes.
and luckily,
my present arrived !
converse red high heels had finally arrived in my huggie =)
wheeee.
yet,
im still bored with my holidays.
adui.
im feeling like wanna die la.
as you know,
my home got no internet.
everyday sleep sleep and sleep.
macam babi sekali.
wanna go back kampar as soon as possible la.
better than here.
fat mou.
aiks.
wanna find friend go out pun susah. apala.
finding something to do to fulfill my boredom.

BACK TO 25/6/2010 AND ALL IS OVER

merry christmas everyone.
what i was happened today is out of what i can expected.
its more worse to spend myself for this lonely christmas.
what i was fear had happened.
friend said, he with a girl now.
my heart was like broke into half.
its feeling aching again.
i thought our love is true,
and its hard for us to forget.
my thought is really wrong.
so fast,
you can find a new one.
all the phrases :
"i love you baby joey"
"i miss you"
"i wont leave you"
are just a lie.
its true that your friend said that neither you nor your friends will care about me.
i dont mind your friends' influencing issue
what i am care about is ur issue.
25/6/2010
our memories is still very clear in my mind.
i used to mark everyday in our calendar.
i just wonder,
how could u so easily forgotten all the things that we experienced.
and moved on with another girl.
the excuses you told me, you want to be single.
LIAR
i met you in cafeteria and the feeling of our first meeting with you is still fresh.
we love in first sight.
for you, i gave up sunny boy.
a great future for me.
the first time we touch,hug or kiss i still remember.
the first time of the movie-toy story3
the first date at ghany.
the first drama we watched together-tvb drama
both of us in love so fast,
no longer,
we were love to spend our time together every minutes and second
the time we walked back from bash party,
the environment is too romance for us.
u holding my hand and said "i love you joey"
i am totally so into it.
the jokes we talked.
the first argument-i walked away and when the time you get back home, that is the first time i see you punch the wall. and then you told me, you cant lose me and pls me to forgive you. afterwards you promised me you will changed ur behavior.
the most touched sms-you sent me a general report.inside there you stated that you proud of yourself cause not getting 0 for maths quiz. you knew i am clever and you promised me to study hard.
the first time we cried together-that time i was disappointed of myself cause i think that i am not good for you. and you told me that your sis doesnt like me.but you were not willing to let me go. both of us hugging each other and cried.
the first time we broke up-i was ready to take bus back to ipoh and we argued. i requested to break up. and when the time im back to kampar, my heart turning back to you as i want to appreciate you.
the time we officially broke up-we shouted at each other. i packed everything and back to my house. and you never stopped that.

after that, many sad things had happened. yes, i admitted i used wrong way to chase you back.
i threaten you.
i was so regret after that.
its happened.
and i know nothing can get you back again,
after semester2 started,
u treated me like a strangers.
ignored me.
until few days ago,
i only know that you are influenced by your best friend.
your friend dislike me.
they dont know me but you do.
i changed to be a good girl cause of you.
i really thanks for all the things that you had done for me.
the morning school ride, and pampers.
you were my boyfriend that i ever loved.
you are just too perfect for me.
and everything is happened just like a dream.
a very good dream that i dont wish to get up for the entire of my life.

and today they told me you have girlfriend,
i wish to go under the rain and stand until i get all wet at that moment.
i am tired already.
for being a joke to some of your friend
and loving you.
i burned and deleted all the photo.
i also removed your friend.
i wish my life will be better without you.
i dont know what i can react when i see you with your girlfriend.
but im sure after this i really will get to move on for my life.
happy with your own life and mine too.
turned back to the strangers that we dont know each other like before.
seriously ,i love you. ling shih jie.
thats the end. all the fifth month memories.
will be buried here forever.

12/12/2010

finally, i finished watch 义海厚情
for so long, i couldnt watch this drama cause im busy XD
i learned something from this drama.
hmmm.
their love is so 伟大.
but of course i know,
it is just a acting drama.
yet,
it let me know that,
love someone doesnt means that both needed to be together
love someone can be ten months or few years
the person that you love maybe will gone
but the memories already is forever in you.
so,
no matter it is one day or two months,
the memories we had together is already forever.
we love each other with our true heart and thats enough.
no regret.
therefore,
loving somebody doesn't means had to be together.
wait the time becomes mature
and it will be the time you can live with your partner for forever.

30/11/2010

i noticed that my mgs gang never concerned for my birthday.
why my birthday always seemed to be ignore by them?
i dont know lo.
when there is a birthday among them,
what they do,
i will participate in.
they always planning for it.
but not for my birthday.
two years ady.
its still the same.
i thought last year we never really celebrate because of spm.
quite disappointed.
they never seemed want to celebrate with me.
not even earlier.
sigh.
friends are always like that.
learned to it.
i dont wanna talk about it anymore,
one time and again.
few times dee la.
i am excluded from that gang.
what i need to do is study,
get my scholarship and gone.

24/11/2010

if we were not broken up,
this is the fifth month that we are together.
its already been half year,
at kampar.
in the beginning,
i thought,
i could build up a new life here.
eventually,
it's the same.
fed up.
who want to emo?
if i were happy with my life,
and it is satisfied,
why should i emo now?
the loneliness of my heart, the emptiness
makes me hard to move on,
every step that i taking now,
is much heavier.
the burden that im carrying now,
u all wouldnt know.
different people different life. thats it.
when every time i think about my birthday,
dont know why,
it seemed bad for me.
i am so scared,
the disappointment,
maybe i cant gone through it.
how?
there are always a lots of unfortunate things happened to me.
well,
i have nothing to say anymore...

NOVEMBER

this few month,
i feel so depressed.
i lost my boyfriend and best friend.
am i really so suck?
i wanna cry all the time.
so bad luck.
how can i move on?
i dont know what can i do for the next moment.
can i just stay inside my dream forever?
i am really weak.
i am so excited for my birthday party.
but it just seems like a disappointment for me.
many people are not attending.
all said maybe got something to do.
is it?
i feel like wanna canceled it.
i dont want to feel the disappointment.
i am so scared.
being tough not easy
it needs much effort and strength.
what my best friend told me was hurts.
i cried,
so, what she care now?
she changed and she blame on me.
i apologized.
so?
we are not going back to the moment that we laughed together.
hoping my days will going to be better.
but im so tired already.
no one will cares, no one....

14/11/2010

oh.
need to countdown my birthday dee.
HAHA.
today whole day i were staying at sakai house after i woke up.
my room full of loneliness arrr.
only at sakai house i dont have any memories.
im happy here,
with sakai, chanel and sometimes whitney too.
seriously im addicted to the movie vampire diaries <333
the movie is awesome.
haha.
today im done the stick stick wall thing in their room.
lol. kinda nice.
but expensive lea.
3o bucks wo.
HAHA. chanel took it for free la.
now sakai is cooking.
hungryyyy. chiao~

Just a Dream - Nelly..With lyrics

DREAM

i had a dream last night.
i had been woke up few times but i dreamed the same dream.
we were together back in my dream,
i was so happy,
he hugged me and said that he loves me.
but it just a dream.
when i woke up,
i need to face the reality again.
so cruel.
i wish i am never woke up for the dream.

IS THIS MY SICKNESS?

i think i need some medicine.
i should buy any sleeping pills?
i am sick.
heart aching, insomnia, illusion.
when can i recover?
why supposed all the people think about me is a playgirl that not easily get hurt.
i got through everything.
SO?
this time i really cant.
who can understand me?
who truly care me?
i really dont know.
i had lost myself.
i am getting crazy of this.
i want to leave my life now!

4/11/2010

oh. today i went to participate utar model search.
and guess what?
it's suck!
im look like a fat girl in the pic.
stupid photographer. dont know how to take the angle.
ARGHHH.
most probably i wont get to in for that event.
im just ugly. erk.
HAHA. never mind. idk
sigh.
im just failed in everything.
dont want to think too much. move on :)

1/11/2010

first day of november
i went to jogging today
long time didnt go
and today i am quite tired.
my life filled with activities.
i want to train six pax.
and all my friend looking down on me.
they say whenever i got the result,
i get the things i want.
need to be hardworking on it. LOL
hmmm.
i took bicycle at his house just now.
i thought he will cleaned up the bike for me.
i knocked the window.
he opened and the voice sounds like beh song.
sigh.
what i have to do?
pretend lor
pretend that i am nothing
sigh