i think i need some medicine.
i should buy any sleeping pills?
i am sick.
heart aching, insomnia, illusion.
when can i recover?
why supposed all the people think about me is a playgirl that not easily get hurt.
i got through everything.
SO?
this time i really cant.
who can understand me?
who truly care me?
i really dont know.
i had lost myself.
i am getting crazy of this.
i want to leave my life now!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
4/11/2010
oh. today i went to participate utar model search.
and guess what?
it's suck!
im look like a fat girl in the pic.
stupid photographer. dont know how to take the angle.
ARGHHH.
most probably i wont get to in for that event.
im just ugly. erk.
HAHA. never mind. idk
sigh.
im just failed in everything.
dont want to think too much. move on :)
and guess what?
it's suck!
im look like a fat girl in the pic.
stupid photographer. dont know how to take the angle.
ARGHHH.
most probably i wont get to in for that event.
im just ugly. erk.
HAHA. never mind. idk
sigh.
im just failed in everything.
dont want to think too much. move on :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
1/11/2010
first day of november
i went to jogging today
long time didnt go
and today i am quite tired.
my life filled with activities.
i want to train six pax.
and all my friend looking down on me.
they say whenever i got the result,
i get the things i want.
need to be hardworking on it. LOL
hmmm.
i took bicycle at his house just now.
i thought he will cleaned up the bike for me.
i knocked the window.
he opened and the voice sounds like beh song.
sigh.
what i have to do?
pretend lor
pretend that i am nothing
sigh
i went to jogging today
long time didnt go
and today i am quite tired.
my life filled with activities.
i want to train six pax.
and all my friend looking down on me.
they say whenever i got the result,
i get the things i want.
need to be hardworking on it. LOL
hmmm.
i took bicycle at his house just now.
i thought he will cleaned up the bike for me.
i knocked the window.
he opened and the voice sounds like beh song.
sigh.
what i have to do?
pretend lor
pretend that i am nothing
sigh
Sunday, October 31, 2010
RAIN
i just finished cycle with chanel and kar fei.
we talked about HIM again.
its raining now.
and i started to missing him again.
sleep time.
we talked about HIM again.
its raining now.
and i started to missing him again.
sleep time.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
am i a irritate person?
am i irritating to him now?
i really want to know.
there are so many question on my mind.
who can really answer it all?
only YOU.
today i passed by MPH bookstore and i felt like wanna to study bible.
almost a lots of things he influenced me.
he affects my life.
what he love,
now i really love.
MU, Jesus, lee hom, and many more.
finding a partner that could matched up our life is hard.
i found one.
and its hard for me to let go.
i want to cherish it.
i want happiness.
i am always wondering,
'what is he doing now?'
'what he is thinking now?'
'does he facing any problem now?'
maybe as my friend said,
i am too irritating,
thats why he keep wants to ignore me.
sigh.
wiping tears everyday.
my tears become cheap cheap dee.
i also dont want.
it comes out easily.
malfunction perhaps?
LOL. ridiculous lar.
today i stopped by petrol station.
guess what?
it reminds me the most funny memories.
he poured petrol on my legs.
my legs felt cold and i scared i will get burned.
and after that he told me
"our fate is so funny"
i remembered every words he had said.
i think, he is the most regretful person for me.
i dont believe in guys and love anymore.
every words of commitment is just temporarily.
any second,
they can kick your ass off.
single,is the only way i can do.
am i irritating to him now?
i really want to know.
there are so many question on my mind.
who can really answer it all?
only YOU.
today i passed by MPH bookstore and i felt like wanna to study bible.
almost a lots of things he influenced me.
he affects my life.
what he love,
now i really love.
MU, Jesus, lee hom, and many more.
finding a partner that could matched up our life is hard.
i found one.
and its hard for me to let go.
i want to cherish it.
i want happiness.
i am always wondering,
'what is he doing now?'
'what he is thinking now?'
'does he facing any problem now?'
maybe as my friend said,
i am too irritating,
thats why he keep wants to ignore me.
sigh.
wiping tears everyday.
my tears become cheap cheap dee.
i also dont want.
it comes out easily.
malfunction perhaps?
LOL. ridiculous lar.
today i stopped by petrol station.
guess what?
it reminds me the most funny memories.
he poured petrol on my legs.
my legs felt cold and i scared i will get burned.
and after that he told me
"our fate is so funny"
i remembered every words he had said.
i think, he is the most regretful person for me.
i dont believe in guys and love anymore.
every words of commitment is just temporarily.
any second,
they can kick your ass off.
single,is the only way i can do.
Friday, October 29, 2010
LIE
i told him a lie.
the regretful lie i ever tell to anyone.
is this a right decision i had made?
i told him i am couple with someone already.
maybe this will be a good lie?
the burden of this is very heavy.
i cant manage to carry it and walk through my pathway anymore.
i am so foolish.
i should put it down and turn away.
never looked back.
its already happened and make it pass.
this is the only way i could pursued myself.
continue my meaningless life without thinking him anymore
perhaps, i can do it.
sigh.
i need to study harder.
get my scholarship and leave here.
so that i can choose whether to stay or leave.
another is opened for me,
maybe i shall turn around from that closed door and step in to the opened one.
awaiting for my birthday <3
i need SUPRISEDDDDD.
and hoping a romantic tackle from anyone?
the regretful lie i ever tell to anyone.
is this a right decision i had made?
i told him i am couple with someone already.
maybe this will be a good lie?
the burden of this is very heavy.
i cant manage to carry it and walk through my pathway anymore.
i am so foolish.
i should put it down and turn away.
never looked back.
its already happened and make it pass.
this is the only way i could pursued myself.
continue my meaningless life without thinking him anymore
perhaps, i can do it.
sigh.
i need to study harder.
get my scholarship and leave here.
so that i can choose whether to stay or leave.
another is opened for me,
maybe i shall turn around from that closed door and step in to the opened one.
awaiting for my birthday <3
i need SUPRISEDDDDD.
and hoping a romantic tackle from anyone?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
27/10/2010
my heart still aching.
i dont know why.
i am trying so hard.
however, when the time i being alone,
i think of him again.
arghh.
please made me forget him.
i am suffering.
i am tired of struggling around.
tomorrow i will be seeing him.
maybe.
i done a good job.
cause i never text him for this few days.
hope i can controlled myself.
joey wan kah yan.
what are you doing.
the one before you are very strong one.
why?
arghh. whateva.
i dont know why.
i am trying so hard.
however, when the time i being alone,
i think of him again.
arghh.
please made me forget him.
i am suffering.
i am tired of struggling around.
tomorrow i will be seeing him.
maybe.
i done a good job.
cause i never text him for this few days.
hope i can controlled myself.
joey wan kah yan.
what are you doing.
the one before you are very strong one.
why?
arghh. whateva.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
FINALLY
two days ago, i am still crazy about wanting him back.
i went out with my friend, Kent.
he told me something that's really change my mind.
before that, no one is telling about his situation and how is he feel now.
he feel stress to be with me.
because of my immature,
i ruined this relation.
but its not my fault also.
i fall to much into this love.
i am underestimated about the power of this love.
finally i am understood.
maybe letting him go,
is a good idea.
no more burden for me and him.
the sky and the world is so big.
what i have is time.
its really need to take time to let everything off of me.
i decided to transfer to kl if i still cant forget him within half year.
means after my foundation.
this environment makes me sad almost everyday.
i had promised myself.
i wont sending any messages to him anymore.
thats only thing i can do now.
long time didnt update my blog.
this blog contained my love story.
everytimes i got anything unhappy things to say,
i will written here.
i learned how to play snooker.
i met new friends too.
i am growing up and being independent.
hope the time will pass fast.
i should study hard too.
here is a video that i made for him.
the memories i never had.
he teaches me many things.
i will never forgot.
i will always love him,
if really one day he comes back,
i will always be there.
i went out with my friend, Kent.
he told me something that's really change my mind.
before that, no one is telling about his situation and how is he feel now.
he feel stress to be with me.
because of my immature,
i ruined this relation.
but its not my fault also.
i fall to much into this love.
i am underestimated about the power of this love.
finally i am understood.
maybe letting him go,
is a good idea.
no more burden for me and him.
the sky and the world is so big.
what i have is time.
its really need to take time to let everything off of me.
i decided to transfer to kl if i still cant forget him within half year.
means after my foundation.
this environment makes me sad almost everyday.
i had promised myself.
i wont sending any messages to him anymore.
thats only thing i can do now.
long time didnt update my blog.
this blog contained my love story.
everytimes i got anything unhappy things to say,
i will written here.
i learned how to play snooker.
i met new friends too.
i am growing up and being independent.
hope the time will pass fast.
i should study hard too.
here is a video that i made for him.
the memories i never had.
he teaches me many things.
i will never forgot.
i will always love him,
if really one day he comes back,
i will always be there.
Friday, September 24, 2010
CONFUSED
sometimes,i see the world and i thought i can use my effort to forget you. however, it is not what i am expected. your power in me is absolutely over controlled myself. when the time i was walking back from utar to westlake, the environment there is so beautiful. the beauty of the mother earth let me realized that the world won't stop rounding or goes for you. the memories won't stop reminding me of your pampers,the way u treat me and YES. I AM selfish. i don't hope to let any of this you used to treat me will be using on another girl. "i hope that you will be happy with your life". OH. it sounds sarcastic nor dramatic neither. seriously, that will be a lie. actually, from my deepest of my heart, i hope you will be suffering all alone without me and won't be happy for the rest of your days. MUAHAHAHAHA. yes. i am bad. but i know, i wouldn't say like this cause it will destroyed my images if i say so. NO la. because i am kind gea. HAHA. now, lets talk about my friendship.
what's a full definition for the word "FRIEND"?
this question has been also annoying me for quite long. i didn't really try to say out my feeling as i don't want any misunderstanding from any of my friend. i see disappointed in this friendship. perhaps, i am too emotional. where is them when i need them? i do standby here for them, but they never think of me. i am sad. i don't know what to do with my life anymore. it is meaningless and i don't know what's i am going to work hard to achieve nothing. i am following the path that my mummy had set on me. i am not happy with me life now.
what's a full definition for the word "FRIEND"?
this question has been also annoying me for quite long. i didn't really try to say out my feeling as i don't want any misunderstanding from any of my friend. i see disappointed in this friendship. perhaps, i am too emotional. where is them when i need them? i do standby here for them, but they never think of me. i am sad. i don't know what to do with my life anymore. it is meaningless and i don't know what's i am going to work hard to achieve nothing. i am following the path that my mummy had set on me. i am not happy with me life now.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
I KNOW IS MY MISTAKE
i know i done something wrong. i didnt meant to hurt you.before this i really loved you. no lie. Im sorry. that night i am not purposely sleep and ignored you. i really tired on that night and my behavior is like that. i dont know that will hurts you and made you think so much. i know that i am not supposed to holding you again. but i just wanted it to be better. we can be each other best friend. i just dont want to lose you sunny boy. you are really important to me. im sorry. now, nothing can fix in this relation. you are escaping. nothing i could do.
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